The “choking game” took our Kevin on March 30th, 2009

 

Kevin embracing life

Hello to all, our family has experienced a horrible tragedy. We lost our son Kevin Monday night March 30th to a craze that has invaded our children’s lives “the choking game” He was 15. Before I tell you about how he died I would like to tell you a little about how he lived.

He was the perfect son in every way. He was happy and fun loving and caring, He would be the first to jump in with out being asked and help where needed. He loved his family fiercely. He loved to laugh and make others laugh. He was in several plays in school, he loved music, basketball, writing poetry and stories. He loved making swords and models and he was the most honest young man there has ever been. He truly was perfect in every way. We told each other several times a day that we loved each other and we hugged multiple times a day.

Everyone I have talked to has told me how special he was, and you just felt it when you were in his presence. I am just now finding out how truly amazing this kid was. His classmates got to see a side of him I never did because at home he was our baby boy. Home was where he came to be a kid. When he walked out that door every morning he turned into this strong young man that I can now only know through their stories or his journals. His love for other people just reached out to you with out you even knowing it. One of his classmates told us that 5 minutes after she met him she felt she knew him her whole life.

I want to share with you three of the many stories that demonstrate the strength of his soul. When he was 6 my wife had to go pick up her father at the train station in downtown Seattle. He asked if he could have 75 c to go get a bag of chips from the machine. Well the chips got stuck and did not fall out and my wife told him she didn’t have another 75 c to get another bag. A homeless gentleman overheard this and came up and said here you go maam and gave her the money for another bag of chips and walked away. Kevin got his chips and he and his mother went and sat down. Kevin looked across the train station and saw the man that gave him the money and he asked if he could go share those chips with that man, so he walked over and they just sat and talked and ate potato chips, and that man came up to my wife and told her with tears in his eyes that was the kindest thing anyone had ever done for him.

Two summers ago my father and his wife came to see me and we were downtown on the waterfront and were having dinner. A very scary looking woman came up to me and asked for money. She was an obvious addict so I told her that I would not give her money but she could have my meal. She looked past me and walked up to my son he had pulled a ten dollar bill from his wallet, money he earned mowing the lawn, he gave her that money, she said thank you and turned and walked away. We all immediately jumped on him and told him never to do that again, it was a kind gesture but that she was just going to go and buy more drugs or she could have a disease or she could have hurt him. All the things a parent might say in that situation. He got very upset and started crying very softly and was quiet the rest of the night. Later after everyone went to bed he came to me and asked to talk. He told me that he understood why we got mad at him but he just felt that he was supposed to give her that money that somewhere down the road it might make a difference in her life. My eyes filled with tears and I grabbed him and held him to my chest and told him to forget everything we said earlier. That sometimes we adults don’t see things as clearly as a pure soul and his was the purest soul God cold make.

A few months ago he was walking his sister home from the bus stop when a car drove by and yelled something at him and his sister. The car went up the hill and turned around and came back and as the car approached the passenger pulled out a knife and the car slowed down. Kevin grabbed his sister and pushed her behind him and stood to face these two boys ready to do whatever he had to do to protect his sister. The driver yelled an obscenity and drove away.

I want everyone to know this was the way Kevin lived his life everyday. There was no sacrifice too great. No task too big and for those of you that knew him… you experienced it. He had compassion for everyone he met that never wavered not even a little. He stood his ground for what he believed and didn’t care what anyone else thought. We found a statement that Kevin wrote and I think this sums up who he was pretty well. He wrote: “I believe that life is eternal and life is a flame that will never go out. I am a Christian so I believe in God and heaven. I also believe that we go there when our life here is over. I believe that angels are the souls of our loved ones that come to see their families and to watch over them and be close to them and try to help them. This is what I believe.”

Two days before he died he and I were talking. We were sitting at the kitchen table. We would do this quite often late at night. He was asking about a friend of the family that died 6 years ago. She died of cancer. She died in my arms at a hospital in Minot, North Dakota in 2003. We had been friends for over 20 years. At the moment of her death here in Washington, he woke up and came downstairs very upset and told his mom that Norine had just died. He was asking me that night at the table how he knew that. I told him that sometimes people have connections that go beyond what we can hear and see, and that this ability was very strong in the men in our family. I told him it was very strong in him as well, this conversation led to one about sacrifice and I was telling him that there may come a time when I would have to sacrifice my own life for that of another and that he would then have to help take care of his mom and his sister and that I would always be there to help him. And that when I died Norine would be there to greet me. I then told him that if he were to die that she would be there for him as well. He then asked me if he had to sacrifice his life to save his mom and sister would I be ok with that. I said ok with it no because he was my boy and I loved him but if it had to happen then I would be able to accept it because he would be saving the life of his mom and sister and that was the way we raised him. To do what was right. He then asked what if it was a total stranger would I be able to handle that. I told him… well son, again I would not like it and it would hurt me forever but if he felt he had to do that and that the life he saved may go on to do great things then yes I could live with it because that’s what warriors do. He then said that if he had to die he would want it to be saving others. I teach self defense at a karate school in Auburn Wa. and I understand that sometimes one might have to make that ultimate sacrifice to save another and I like to think I will be brave enough when called upon to do that but how many 15 year old boys in today’s day and age would even consider it. This was the man my boy had become.

Our hearts have been destroyed by this loss and when I was at a point where I could not go on when I had reached the bottom of my pain I suddenly felt his love come into my heart and pull the pieces together and I felt him giving me a message. And that message was: “Dad I need to let people know about this. There are other kids just like me that are being reached online and at school and are thinking of trying this. You have to stop it. I didn’t mean to die, I didn’t mean to hurt you and mama and Kelly. I’m so sorry but it’s up to you now to let people know”. And my soul was surrounded with his love.

On the night he died the paramedics said they had his heart beating and he was trying to breath, but I think he was given a choice and knowing Kevin he made the choice to let his death help save other people and if it meant he had to sacrifice himself to do it he would because that was kind of young man he had become and he knows how strong our family is and he knows how strong our friends are and he knows God will get us through this.

I am asking anyone who reads this letter to pass it on or if you don’t like to forward emails then to print this email out and show it to people. And please pray for our son and our family that with Gods love we will survive this. For those of you who have lost a child you understand our grief. For those of you who have not please protect your children and share with them our story and be as graphic and as candid as they can handle so that maybe just maybe we can all stop this. HUNDREDS of kids have died. This “game” is taking our children at an alarming rate and people have got to know! Parents have to be told that this activity is not a fad it is an epidemic that is killing our children. Please scroll down to the section below labeled “How to protect your children from dangers of the choking game”. There you will find the details of how Kevin died and more information on this deadly activity.

I am asking, begging on my knees to anyone that reads this letter. Talk to your children about this activity. Educate yourself about the dangers and what physically occurs in the body as a result of this “game”. Make them aware. Then love them, hold them, shower them with kisses, because we will never again be able to hold his head on our shoulder or smell the scent of his hair or watch his face light up when he smiles or see the twinkle in his eyes or feel his arms around us, or hear again the last words he spoke to me ” I love you too dad”
Help me fight this battle. Pray with all your might, and tell anyone who will listen. Our family will bear this cross that God has asked us to carry but please share our story, our grief, our loss, so that someone you know and love will not have to experience this unspeakable, unbearable, unending pain. And then my son’s death will not be in vain.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” – Nelson Mandela

Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity~Horace Mann

Update:
As a direct result of Gods power and this email our story was aired on two local news channels, in multiple online news sites and in two local newspapers. We were also able to spread this message on the Today Show in New York which aired Fri April 24th. We were able to reach millions of people..but… there are millions more that STILL have not heard of this activity. And with summer coming, it is imperative that we get this word out or our tragic senseless loss will be repeated by another family somewhere. For more information we have a blog site..
forkevinssake.wordpress.com..
This site has links to much more information about this activity and there is also a copy of this email there that you can copy and paste and send. Please help continue to spread this word until every parent and every school knows the truth about this activity. Thank you.
Ken Tork

How can we protect our children from the “choking game”?

remember me

Kevin Conroy Tork

 I am about to share something with you about his death that you might find uncomfortable to read but if you love your child like so many of you know we did then I beg of you to read on. He was experimenting with ”the choking game”.  A very dangerous craze that has been invading our schools for YEARS, and even though we protected our son with all the armour a parent can someone got to him. Someone told him it was ok. That someone helped kill my son. I have been finding out some things about it in the last few days that I want to share. Hundreds and hundreds of kids have died playing this game. There are websites that tell them exactly how to do it, not to tell their parents or counselors or teachers, how to get the materials, how to make the materials, how to clear the history on their computers so their parents wont find out, how to use code words like choke out, the game, spider monkey, spunky monkey, etc.  They even say where to do it, in empty class rooms, bathrooms, dad’s garage, the basement. I read that one of the “rules” of this game is that when they have a ”choking party” everyone has to play and if someone won’t play then they have to leave and that they are no longer considered friends. This peer pressure during the teen years is a very strong motivator that can drive a normal kid to do the most abnormal things. It continued on to say that if your parents tell you it’s unsafe, don’t believe them they aren’t cool enough to know. I read one that said to tie a rope to a doorknob, lock the door and sit in front of it so your parents or siblings cannot come in, then to play their itunes really loud and party on! We also learned that 90% of the fatalities are boys because girls tend to partcipate in larger groups. Either way it can be deadly. Two of the most shocking things we have found out are that most parents have never heard of it and if they did hear of it they didn’t listen long enough to find out what it was or they believed that their kid would never do something like this. The other is that the schools do not want anyone to come and talk about it because they are afraid it might put ideas in their heads. TOO LATE! Schools and churches are the two most common places these kids learn about it. Almost 50 % of the kids that do this do it at school regularly! I have even had one parent tell me about a church youth leader showing them how to play it at a church retreat! Well if it can get to our child it can get to yours as well. We talked to our kids every night, I asked them every day what did you learn today. I am asking your help to help them hear of it now before it takes even one more of our children. More info is available online just type in the choking game and prepare to be sickened by what you find, don’t forget youtube.

 I was scrolling through a site called DAB (deadly activities and behavior) there was a list of just a few HUNDRED of the kids that have died. It went on and on and most all of them were my son, our story, his face.

In a few weeks the death of our son will fade for some of you until something sparks that memory. You might stop and think oh those Torks. I wonder how they are doing  and you will wish us well, and you might say a silent prayer of thanks that your child is safe and then you will go back to what you were doing, peeling the potatoes or changing the sheets and not think on this again until you hear of another teen death. Please keep in mind that in between those times a hundred more kids may have died that we never hear about because it might not be on the local news or you might have just missed the news.

Fathers you need to be willing to invade your child’s privacy, you need to monitor and talk to your boys graphically. Spot check their history on the computers. TAKE IT OUT OF THIER ROOMS IF IT IS IN THERE, block youtube so that if they need to go there they do it with you present. Don’t let them talk on chat lines even if it is in a “safe” game environment. They will not talk to you about this unless you push them a little or alot. Almost every teenage boy I talked to have said they know of it or have played it and would never be able to tell their parents for fear of getting in trouble. I even talked to my son about this very thing 6 months before he died after I saw a 5 minute segment on the nightly news and he told me he would never do anything like this and I never mentioned it again or thought about it again because I was safe. I had told my son. What I did not do was go find out about it. I just like most of you didn’t know how deadly or widespread this was and I truly believed that my kids were safe. Surely the schools knew about this. Surely they talked about it. They talk about everything else.  I was wrong!

  The GASP web site states that the two most effective tools against this are the kids talking to peers about someone that died or the families of those that have died. Kevin went to Issaquah high. There were about 100-150 kids up there at his funeral. I believe that most of them are now pretty safe and if you read about the conversation I had with my son before he died, Kevin has saved those kids but what about next year, what about the kids that weren’t there, that didn’t know Kevin. They are in school today maybe doing it right now as I write this email! How do we reach them? We as parents need to go in force and DEMAND that our schools talk about this and if they won’t then we need to band together and rent a hall or organize a picnic where we can all talk. SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING! I am grieving and I have promised my wife and my family that I will wait a bit before I start fighting this thing! Those of you that know me know that I will not sit still and let other sons and daughters die. I will not dishonor my son that way. I am asking now for anything, information, education, opportunities to speak, anything to get this word out there and force this “game” out of hiding. I am enraged.

But most of all with all my heart I am asking you to pray. Get passed the embarrassment that we all feel about talking about God. This is why we are losing our sons and daughters. God is not in their life enough. Some of you have him in your lives deeply and your kids I hope are safe. I thought mine was too though. We don’t pray enough as a community. Our family prayed 10-12 times a year at home, on holidays and Easter, Christmas, Sundays at church when we would go, but not every morning when you get up and are blessed with another day with your kids and every afternoon when your kids get home safe from a field trip and every night when they go to bed.

There is nothing I would not do to have just one more minute to tell my boy how proud I am of the man he was. To run my fingers through his hair, to see his whole body jiggle when he thought something was funny, to share a joke that only he and I got, to do just one more thing together as father and son. To ride our 4 wheelers around the yard. To one more time sit at the table late at night in the dark and just talk, to hear him say just one more time “I love you too dad”.

I am asking you to send this email out to Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, Bill O’Riley, Evening Magazine, President Obama, First Lady Obama, Christine Gregior, the principle at every high school and middle school in your area, your pastors, anyone who will listen. If anyone who reads this knows a lobbyist or a senator or a member of congress please get them to read it so that we can get legislation in place that makes this activity a punishable crime. If an adult does this to another adult its considered attempted murder or at best assault, but if a teenager does this to a classmate at a party or at school or at church, it harmless fun. Please don’t go back to your lives and forget Kevin Tork. He would have sacrificed himself for any one of your children and never thought twice about it.  In fact, he did. Cherish every second you have with your child. Our world changed on Monday March 30th at 6:37 pm. When will yours change? Which one of you will be next? Help me stop this deadly, fatal activity before it takes your child. I can be reached at 425 643 6669  or kltork@yahoo.com. Thank you.

The Tork family 6 month update

Hello everyone,
Well we just passed the 6 month mark and we felt it was time to send everyone an update on how we are doing. If you had asked us back then we would have told you we would never make it this far and we would have been very wrong. Not only are we still making it it but we are actually doing ok considering the depth of our loss. God is with us and protecting us! I want to personally thank all of you from the depths of my soul for everything you have done for my family and I. You helped us initially spread the word about our tragedy and we believe beyond any doubt that YOU helped save countless lives by helping us bring this activity out of hiding. God has made his presence felt in many miraculous ways during our journey and with the many things we have seen our faith grows stronger day by day. We made a vow to each other the night that Kevin died that we would not let this tragedy tear us away from God or from each other ever and we are healing as a family. It was however all your thoughts and prayers that also helped us to be strong enough to get to that point where we could start to heal. There just arent words to describe the gratitude we feel for what you all have done for us.
I would also like to update you on the battle we are fighting to stop the choking game. Some of you may not know this but through Gods power and through your efforts to fwd our story we were able to get all the way to the Today show in New York just 3 weeks after Kevin passed. We also had two local Tv interviews and two articles printed in the Issaquah press. We also found out later that our story spread across this country like a firestorm and was picked up by countless online news agencies and many newspapers. I cannot even begin to imagine how many people read about Kevin and then told others. We received hundreds of emails thanking us for having the courage to speak out and I was able to speak at two local schools right before school let out last year. And none of it would have happened with out YOUR help and I would like each of you to know YOU helped save lives!
But despite all the efforts to get the awareness out there, kids are still dying, and many many people still have never heard of this until it hits close to home. We have had 28 reported deaths since Kevin died. We believe that only about 10 % of the choking game deaths actually make the news. If that math is correct that about 280 kids world wide since March 30th.
I was contacted two weeks ago by a mom in Tennessee who lost her oldest son Aug 3rd of this year. He was 1 month away from his 18 th birthday. She found our story online and she told me that before she read about us she didn’t know there were others out there who had experienced the same thing she did. She didn’t know there were other families that had the same incredible relationships with their kids as she had with hers only to have them taken away by this “game”. After reading our story she said her faith was renewed and her determination grew and she found the courage to speak out as well. She did a newspaper interview last wed and her husband and her son are probably going to do a local tv interview this week. I mention this because it was through YOUR help that she was able to find our story and was able to find some comfort in an otherwise unbearable agonizing pain.
During the month of Aug between the 3rd and the 11th there were 4 deaths reported. Out of respect for the families I will not mention last names but they were Jay( 17) Mayia (15), Travis (15), and Gordon (13). The worst part was they were all exactly like Kevin, good kids, smart kids, amazing kids!
These families are just now starting on this same journey of loss, and it is for those families that have yet to experience the loss of their amazing children that I want to ask you again to help us continue to spread the word about this activity. We have a blog site: forkevinssake.wordpress.com
Our story is there on that site. You can also find the links to the media events as well as links to other choking game websites. There is one in particular I would like to ask each of you to go see. Its: www.thechokinggame.net On the upper left side of the home page is a section marked “victims”. I would like to ask that you scroll through that list and see for yourself how many have made that list alone, and remember this is only about 10 % of the actual number of kids that have died. I know this is an uncomfortable subject and if you are not comfortable with this its ok. We don’t want to place any undo pressure on anyone. Please understand though its not just for our children that we ask this of you. Our children are with God. Its for your children and the children of your friends and family that we ask this of you.
I know in today’s world God is not always a strong presence in day to day life and it always seems to be a deep tragedy that has to unfold to bring us back to him. Its always him we turn to first. We are a prime example of that process. We want to tell you though that God does exist. We will not list here the many miracles we have seen but we will happily share with you what we have experienced. I do though want to tell you that without Gods power and love we would not be doing well at all. He comforts us and guides us and he makes things happen to help us even though we dont always see it. People keep telling us how strong WE are. We are not strong. We are only strong with his help. I owe everything to him and I beg each of you to say a prayer of thanks to him for what he has given you. If the sea of life has caused you to drift away from him then I beg of you to paddle back. Get him back in your lives BEFORE a tragedy strikes. We don’t question why this has happened to us anymore. We were given those answers but we do wonder if God had been in our lives more that maybe we would have given to our son different knowledge and just maybe he would have been better prepared to deal with the temptation to try this so called fun, safe “game”. We miss that boy beyond words but we do thank God each day for the 15 incredible years we had with him and we also thank him for allowing us to have each of you in our lives as well.
I am so honored to be in this community and I am humbled by the power of the support you so freely gave to us and I believe that each of you has the power to make a difference in someone else’s life. Please share this email with every one you feel comfortable sending it to. Please stand with me and together we can stop this senseless tragic lie that is the choking game. If anyone would like to talk with us personally please don’t hesitate to contact us we would love to hear from you.May God watch over each of you and protect your very precious children.
Thank you.
Ken Kathy Kevin & Kelly Tork

How to protect your children from you unrestricted access to dangerous sites like You Tube

step 1- open your anti virus control panel.

step- open Internet control options.

step 3 -open parental control options

step 4- open restricted sites/ blocked sites/  keywords

step 5- type in name of sites you have found that you want blocked IE; you tube, rotten.com, ogreish etc.. look for any sites you can find with dangerous activity

step 6- type in resticted content / key words etc .. for anything related to the choking game/ pass out game/space monkey etc

step 7- password protect parental controls

step 8 – got to www.opendns.com  this is a website that allows you to monitor any site your computer goes to from any computer anywhere. set up with a password that only you know.

All of these things above are helpful  but the only true way you can protect your kids is to take action on your own to do so. Educate them against the realistic dangers of this activity. Show them the video scroll of all the children who have died from this “game”.  Also you need to know that You Tube and video sites like You Tube can be masked by other sites that have these sites embedded within them so it will be very difficult if not impossible to eliminate all ways for them to access these sites.  But you can make it as difficult as possible for them to get there and spot check their computers in their presence. Be willing to occasionally violate their privacy!  Funerals are much harder to deal with than frustration. Most kids will not volunteer that they have tried any of this type of deadly activity. Most younger participants learn it from older friends and siblings and will believe them when they say it is safe. Please don’t assume your sweet dear angel would never do this. I would have staked my life  on the fact my son would never do this..in fact I did..and I lost. Talk to your children about the dangers but educate YOURSELF to the danger signs and then look for them diligently until your children are no longer in your immediate care. Be their parent first then their friend. Tell your children that you are now watching and explain to them why. Have them read our story and watch our segments on the news and the Today show. GO TO YOUR LOCAL SCHOOLS AND DEMAND THAT THEY ADDRESS THIS ISSUE!!!!. Please be diligent so you will not have to face the never ending pain of losing your child.

Today Show “Choking Game” Deaths Story

If you missed The Today Show’s “Choking Game” story about the needless death of Kevin and other kids, you can read and watch it online by clicking here.

Learn more about risks and prevention of The Choking Game online at the DB Foundation